Review: Immortals

[Editor's note] I was doped into seeing Immortals last night. And you're looking at just about the only redeeming thing in the whole film. Luke Evans turned in a truly terrific performance as Zeus (above). He was both tender and mercilessly unyielding. He was mighty, but controlled. His internal conflict was the only worth-while conflict in the whole of Immortals.

Everyone else left a lot to be desired. Freida Pinto is pretty and the girl can act, but only one of those attributes was in evidence here-- and not the one that counts. Stehen Dorff played Stephen Dorff in a Greek warrior costume. And Mickey Rourke basically phoned-in his performance. Even sweaty, sexy, shirtless, hunky Henry Cavill couldn't make up for this 110 minute mess. But Lord knows he tried, and tried, and tried.

Plot-wise, it was essentially a rag-tag bunch of peasants versus a mighty evil king. There's an oracle, a magic bow, and pretty boys in gold lamé. Gods get involved, Titans are released, eyes are gauged out, but at the end you feel like you just wasted $6. I sure did.

My verdict? Skip it and go for themed porn. At least that way you're guaranteed a happy ending.

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