The Funnies
Election 2012 Edition


By Joe Heller

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Regarding the Barry Manilow concert in Coral Gables

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[ Editor's note ] Three monumental things have happened to me at the BankUnited Center. In 2004, my high school held its graduation ceremony there. In 2008, I heard presidential nominee Barack Obama speak about the future. And this past Saturday night, I saw the incomparable Barry Manilow perform in concert. To say that Barry remains every bit the superstar I was hoping for is putting it mildly. At 67 years young, he brought all the magic, the smiles, and the bandstand boogie he's famous for and then some. Funny, talented and charmingly self-deprecating, Barry Manilow remains without equal. Admittedly, the night started off rather poorly. Barry’s opening act was a man named Gerry McCambridge who has allegedly been wowing audiences at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas since 2005. As the creative force and inspiration behind the TV show The Mentalist , McCambridge's schtick is to do clever things with numbers. Honestly, I've never thought that doing anything with numbers w...
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Ric Alonso resigns from pageant association after porn revelation

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Kevin Hogan wasn't the only person this week ambushed out of a job for his participation in the gay adult film industry. FOX News reports : Ric Alonso and his partner of 21 years, Ernie Koneck, have both been both prominent power players in the Southern California Scholarship Association — an incorporated not-for-profit association — which produces the Miss Hollywood pageant, an official preliminary to Miss California, and a feeder to Miss America. Alonso is listed as the first “major sponsor” for 2011 scholarship donations, while partner Koneck has been the pageantry point of contact and is featured in photographs alongside the smiling young sashed pageant contestants. On Tuesday, Alonso was exposed by RadarOnline as adult film actor and producer "Jake Cruise". FOX News adds: Following the revelation, Koneck announced his resignation Tuesday as Executive Director of the Southern California Scholarship Association, and said Alonso was in no way involved in the Miss Holl...
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Disney loses big on John Carter

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The Huffington Post reports : John Carter is now officially a flop of galactic proportions. The Walt Disney Co. said yesterday that it expects to book a loss of $200 million on the movie in the quarter through March. That ranks it among Hollywood's all-time biggest money-losers. Directed by Pixar's Andrew Stanton, the 3-D effects-laden movie about a Civil War veteran transplanted to Mars was already headed to the "Red Ink Planet," according to Cowen & Co. analyst Doug Creutz. Yet he expected a write-down of about half that size. Disney said John Carter has brought in about $184 million in ticket sales worldwide so far. But ticket sales are split roughly in half with theater owners. The movie's production budget is estimated to be about $250 million with about $100 million more spent on marketing. --> I'll tell you why this didn't work. Because they named a sci-fi picture John Carter , which sounds more like a film about a basketball player than a ...
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